May2013_Rainbow Atma Monthly Musing

Those hard to have conversations!

I was out with my eldest daughter a few weeks ago when she received a call from one of her friends letting her know that someone she knew had committed suicide.  How devastating was that news?  What happens for those left behind?  How far reaching is the impact of that loss?  Is anyone carrying any guilt around what they could have done?  It actually got me thinking about how do we have those hard to have conversations?

Firstly I want to acknowledge the tender subject of suicide and my intention with this article which is to bring awareness to the difficult conversation of suicide with someone who is suffering.  It is by no means a judgement of anyone who has suffered from this experience.  My hope is to empower people to have a discussion or a least be able to offer support.  I also believe that, in the end, suicide is the responsibility of the person concerned.  Please feel free to contact me if you have any strong reaction to this article either on 0402 811 742 or linda@rainbowatma.com.au .

When my daughter received this disturbing news about her friend, we had a long discussion about various aspects of the situation that she was aware of.  One of her comments to me was, I just didn’t know what to say to them (I use this term with the desire to eliminate any identification whatsoever of the person).

Wow, I remember having the same feeling of helplessness in connecting with people who I wondered if they had the intention of committing suicide.  Knowing that they needed help and absolutely not knowing what to say or do …. and therefore I did nothing.  My fear of saying the wrong thing or causing them to suicide kept me from being able to help them.

One of the other things she mentioned was that people close to them thought they were attention seeking.

I would say that they definitely are attention seeking … they are looking for help and don’t know how to get it or don’t know what they need.  And I guess most of us are on the other side not knowing what they need or how to give it to them.  I believe most suicides are because life is so difficult and painful, not because they want to die.  Such a difficult situation!

I want to offer here some suggestions that may give you a little confidence if you are ever in a situation where you may be wondering if someone is intending to suicide.

When would the right time to bring up the subject of suicide?

When I hear people saying things like “I can’t take this anymore”, “It’s all too hard”, “They’ll be better off without me”, “I wish I was dead”, if they are getting their affairs in order or giving away pets and possessions, or if they lose interest in their physical appearance, lose their appetite and can’t sleep, I will definitely explore their intentions by saying something like “Are you thinking of suicide?”  I think anyone can ask that question to anybody else if they are truly concerned and have a sense that life is too much for the person they are speaking with.  I imagine that the temptation here would be to fix it for the other person, which is very understandable.  What I feel would support them better is to hear what it is like for them and just allow that.  If you can’t do that, then it is perfectly fine to go straight to the next step.

Now what?  After asking the question one of two things will happen.  They will either absolutely deny it, which you can accept and that’s where that part of the conversation ends or they will indicate they have had thoughts or are thinking of suicide.  Whoa, scary stuff now!  So let’s just take a minute and breathe. You can even say how difficult that was for you to hear and you are still there with them.  What I see is that you now have the opportunity to give some information to this person.  You can give them Lifeline’s phone number – 13 11 14 which is manned 24/7.  Lifeline will help with the crisis and will refer them to help.

You know, it is ok to say you don’t know what to say and encourage people to seek professional help and to let them know that you care.

Talking about suicide or hinting at suicide and that life isn’t worth living anymore is a cry for help.  What you can do if you are not a trained professional is to listen out for the warning words or actions and ask them to get help.

This information is brief and I am open to communication with people if they need further information. For me this subject brings a deep compassion for the suffering of people and the depth of despair they can reach.  May this article be of benefit and may those who have been touched by suicide find peace.

It’s a little difficult writing anything else after writing about suicide and I do have some things I would like to share with you.

I still don’t have a confirmed space for the clinic and I think it is getting closer – stay tuned for updates. The very exciting news for me is that Rainbow Atma’s first Residential Program will be run from the 24th-28th May.  Even more exciting is that it is already full and I didn’t even get to advertise it.  If you are interested in being on the waiting list please email me at linda@rainbowatma.com.au with your details and what area of health you are interested in.  Each Residential will have a theme and I will enrol people with similar concerns.  The Program will only take four to six people each time because it is imperative for me to make sure that each person receives the most from the training.  Prior to being enrolled in the Program you will receive an individual Ayurvedic consultation so we can both know what balancing you may need.  The first Residential Program is themed on excess weight.  It is not only focussed on food, it also looks at the emotional and spiritual aspects of excess weight.  We live an Ayurvedic Daily Routine which includes meditation and yoga and we cook Ayurvedic food for our meals.  I will share what the participants think after this Residential Program is run.

The Rainbow Atma Ayurvedic Daily Routine information sharing on face book went really well.  If you didn’t get to see it, have a look at – https://www.facebook.com/RainbowAtma?ref=hl.  You can check out what was posted and like my page if you would like to receive future information sharing.

I am seeing a few clients in a Yoga studio at Lawnton until I am settled and have limited times available. I am very appreciative to Marina from Vedic Yoga Therapies http://www.vedicyogatherapies.com.au   who is offering her space to me.  Marina will work with people individually and has an Ayurvedic background.

Until next month . . . 

May you all be well and may you all be happy

Linda Conyard

Rainbow Atma, 

Ayurveda & Oncology Massage Clinic

0402 811 742