Nov2013_SO WHAT’S BEEN HAPPENING
by Ryle Winn
I like working on my own. I’m something of a solitary soul of latter years. Of course while I’m writing it has to be that way – par for the course. However I have always done a bit of building, reno stuff you know, and I don’t need an offsider at all either. I don’t want anybody witnessing my stuff-ups.
To get to the point, I was putting in a three week stint working on a new patio of younger son’s house while he and his wife were gallivanting around the countryside. I’d somehow been conned. The deal was to house-sit the dog also. He is a little Jack Russell, and named imaginatively, wait for it, “Jack”. To be fair I like the little guy. Actually he has stuck like glue to me.
There’s only one thing. He thinks he has the right to share my lunch. Being a softie I always give him a biscuit or half a sandwich but on two occasions he has hopped up into the open Hilux cab, tipped over the Esky and helped himself. This particular occasion was the third time and he was just getting into it when I caught him.
Now I have the ability to direct a reasonable stream of profanity when it is called for. Actually I’m really good at it. So I gave Jack a blast, a proper one, using some masculine adjectives and then some … but I can’t print them here.
Here’s a mild interpretation bearing in mind my temperament. It goes something like this. ‘You dirty rotten bast… er, bugger. Put that back. Go on, get the hell out of it or I’ll give you a kick up the ars.. er, bum. Pi .. off now. Get!’
How was I to know that the postie was about a metre from me on the other side of the high fence sorting mail before continuing his rounds? Without doubt he must have thought I’d been referring to him.
He did a wheelstand on his little red bike, overshot the next two houses, then jumped the kerb and ended up in the middle of the road before gunning it again without even a backward glance.
Dan and Heidi haven’t had much mail lately. Can’t imagine why.
Phone 34251247
