Mar2013_by Ryle Winn
So what’s been happening?
I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be able to lose me in a 20,000 acre paddock. Of course the position of the sun is often a giveaway. But I can always find my way even under heavy cloud cover. Well nearly always. Same in the city so long as the peak hour traffic isn’t too bad.
Try me in hospital corridors. Nope. Absolutely bloody hopeless. To be fair to myself I have been in every hospital in the southern hemisphere, well Brisbane anyway and they all look the same.
Same thing again last week.
The nurse at ‘Admissions’ took me along the corridor, past the coffee shop, around the corner, up the lift, left at the top, into another room where I had to answer 480 questions. Throw anybody’s compass off true north right at the outset.
Then she said, “Thank you Mr. Winn. Another nurse will give you an electrocardiogram. She’ll collect you in a moment.” Try half an hour before she appeared.
Then off we go. Down the hall, left, then right and in the door.
“Finished now. That was easy wasn’t it?”
Out a different door. Round the corner, door on the left where another nurse was waiting to disrobe me and re-robe me (I just made that word up) in all sorts of fancy dress, even paper pants, yeah right, as if they’re going to be much help if I get really scared.
Right, here I go again. Go where? Where’d the nurse go? Shit. I’m lost. Think. Left. Right. Go back. Faint smell of coffee. Lost it. ‘Operating Theatre’ – bloody hell. In the mop room, nope. In the linen room. Nope. Fire escape. At least I’ll be able to get out. But try running along the main road wearing paper pants and you’d probably end up in a different hospital I reasoned. Better stay here. Somebody might find me eventually.
I’m not usually one to panic but right now I’m starting to get the idea that I might need those daks yet. However that could pose another problem. Actually two if you think about it.
I want to go home.
